10 Seconds from Tears: a Mum's perspective on losing a child

“How are you?” What do you really expect to hear when you ask me that question? Living with the death of a child is not like any other bereavement. Please don’t think you can understand because you lost your parent or grandparent. These bereavements are of course incredibly sad but they are at least in the natural order. When you lose a child the natural order has been turned on its head. You not only lose your child but you lose all the opportunities and challenges in life that they would have faced (and that you would have faced with them, standing by their side).  And as the days, weeks and years go by there are always “triggers” for sadness and reflection as you reach all the important milestones that you wanted to reach with your whole family; not minus one.

I actually don’t ever want you to understand how I feel – as then you would know the extraordinary pain that I feel each and every day; both mental and physical pain. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. As a bereaved parent I can’t move forward with life in the same way as you can. James is in every waking and sleeping thought and feeling. I have found a way to live my life in as positive a way as I can, but the pain and sadness does not recede.  I have just learned to hide it well. Please remember that ….I am only ever 10 seconds away from tears.